Why I am leaving the job I love…

I originally wrote this piece when I decided to leave the job I loved. I posted this on LinkedIn and was blown away with the comments and insights people shared as a result. I have decided to repost this here as part of the history to where Mulberry St. all began…

A picture of a 20 year old brown lazy boy is not something that feels very at home on LinkedIn, nor does it seem consistent with the title of this post but click bait - I assure you it is not. Since the arrival of mini Swallow number two a little over 2 months ago I’ve spent countless hours in this spot. Hours filled with rocking, feeding, googling, falling in love, boredom, reading, listening, online shopping, sleep, no sleep, watching other people lives via social media but most importantly in my case stopping to contemplate what my next chapter looks like. 

In the last presentation I gave at an Export Bay of Plenty breakfast before I went on leave I talked about how to build a culture of courage inside organisations. Over the last couple of months all of this navel gazing has lead me to realise that rather than just talk about how organisations can encourage courage - it was time to be courageous myself. 

So after seven amazing years I’ve decided to leave the company I love. “ What’s the plan” has typically been the first question I’ve been asked when I’ve talked to my nearest and dearest about this over the last few weeks. And for the first time in my to-do-list obsessed life there isn’t one (well that’s not entirely true but there isn’t one that would fit nicely into Microsoft project). 

My time at Cucumber has been nothing short of exceptional and I doubt I will have another role like it in years to come. It’s a company filled to the brim with some of the smartest, hardest working, genuinely good people that made me want to be better, and do better on a daily basis. I’m extremely proud of the team we built, the clients we were privileged to work with and the work itself that we produced. Agency life is not all foosball tables and drinks from the fridge though and it also came with waking at 2am worried if we have enough work to keep everyone busy, or where we were going to find enough people to deliver (often those two scenarios were only 24hours apart). It came with nights away and juggling competing priorities. It came with crazy deadlines and budgets which makes people do "interesting" things. 

It’s only on reflection that I also understand just how much I learnt in a leadership role in a growing technology company in the fastest growing region in the country. 

I’ve learnt that culture is everything, that if you hire to protect and enhance that culture, almost everything else takes care of itself. Building an amazing company requires an amazing team who work together - not individual superstars. 

I’ve learnt you have to be authentic, honest and empathetic to be a great leader. That genuinely caring about people (and the whole person with a life outside of their work life) is the foundation for everything. This has been the biggest lesson of them all for me as I spent far too long trying to figure out how to be the strong, assertive, got their shit together boss that I thought leaders had to be when really I just needed to own the slightly awkward, overly honest, "don’t always have my shit together but would love your help to figure it out" leader that I am. 

I’ve learnt that technology is an enabler but is not the outcome. The outcome is almost always about human beings and no robot (that I’ve seen yet) can beat a human at empathy. Without empathy - we have really crappy technology. All too often the relationships of humans with technology (or worst still - humans and humans) is overlooked in projects. 

I’ve learnt that it’s in the intersections of organisations (the spaces between the silos where say marketing’s responsibilities stop and sales or IT’s starts for example) is where the customer experience is enhanced or ruined. 

I’ve learnt that working mums (and dads for that matter) can have it all but it’s bloody hard work and there will come a point where even though you’re physically present your family notices when your mind is still at work. I was so busy trying to have it all, it’s only just occurred to me now to ask myself if that’s what I want. 

I’ve learnt the parts of a job I love (solving big problems that really matter and helping people and organisations manage change through that process) and the few bits I’d leave out when designing my dream job. 

So that’s the start of the plan - first stop - enjoy being a mum to these two crazies with no fixed return to work deadline while experimenting with designing my dream job. To say yes and no more. To say yes to the advisory board position for an organisation helping people in our community, yes to a project to use Design Thinking to solve a meaningful challenge, yes to helping the business offering a great service but no idea how to tell their story or how to make it profitable.

But no to putting 2 small people into full time care, no to missing the preschool show, the swimming lessons or the first word and no to feeling guilty about all of this. 

Along the way I intend to read, listen, observe, write about some of the lessons and all things human centred business to ensure my brain isn’t completely overrun with nappy brands and baby sleep aids. Having the courage to just be in the moment in my big brown rocking chair and design the next step is terrifying and exhilarating.

Wish me luck...